5 Reasons Why I Fear Death

On a cloudy spring day, I was looking out the window and then the thought of death taking my family haunted me. I feared for my dysfunctional, loving family. A sharp painless sensation jabbed my heart. I don’t want them to die.

If I had the power, I would be able to control death’s eventual visit to every member of my family. But, I don’t.

Why do I fear death?

I don’t know what’s out there. Is the other side a room, a town, or city? Is there color? Is it just black and white? Will what I see be hazy or clear? I’m imagining a blurry scene of silhouetted figures standing around in a back-lighted spacious room, kind of like the scene I saw in the movie Hereafter. What would the temperature be like? Is it a cemetery scene or a colorful garden scene? Would it have a happy or sad feel to it? What does it smell like? Are we still breathing after we die?

I googled: have people come back from the dead to tell us about the other side. I found a handful of articles from HuffPost, Mirror, and CoventryLive. What these people recalled varied. One recalled seeing stars and bright lights, another remembered his dead brother visiting him while he was laying on the pavement, and another recalled blackness and peace.

I am still enjoying this life. I am happy where I am right now. In the article, “Overcoming the Fear of Death,” written by Alex Lickerman, M.D., he states, “I love being here and don’t want to leave.” It’s cool that I am not the only one feeling this way. I’m hoping others like my family and friends, and all of you guys, are happy too, and that things are going well for you. Like me, I hope that most of you are still seeing the beautiful and happy things in spite of the mass deaths that have occurred in schools, churches, and public events, and other not-so-good events occurring in our lives and others.

The longer I get sucked into all the  chaos and breath-taking beauty this world is offering, I want to enjoy it more. In spite of my shortcomings, my fears, and occasional self loathing, I have so much to be thankful for. I am alive. All of my immediate family are alive and well, and I hope you and yours are as well. ❤

I fear death taking every single person away from me: my parents, my siblings, the rest of my immediate family, my friends, and the rest of the people I know. I just want each one of them to live a little longer, especially if they’re enjoying life.

I almost died once. I was careless. I didn’t know how to swim, and I wanted to be with my classmates. I braved it. Stupid! I was in the seventh grade at a local international grade school in Cebu City, Philippines. I, with my seventh grade classmates, went out on an excursion to a local beach. We snorkeled out about 900 feet to the wooden raft bobbing on the dark blue part of the ocean. While we were getting ready to head back, I reached back and discovered my fins were gone. Someone said Rodney took them. I looked toward the shore; Rodney was half way there. The rest of us swam back. Minutes later, my right calf cramped up. I sank and panicked. I was sinking. I saw Lorelei in front of me, so I reached out and pulled her approximately three-feet length of hair. We sank. I heard someone shout, “Let go!” I heard Lorelei saying something like I was going to bring her down with me. That thought prompted me to let go. I pushed myself up struggling to breathe. Then I floated on my back. I was a bit nervous because I didn’t know what was lurking underneath me. I was unsure why I was floating. I calmed down a little. I was staring at the tropical blue color sky. There were a few cotton-ball-like clouds. The school’s life guard pushed me back to shore with his palms on the bottom of my feet.


Now back to that window scene. An idea to write about why I fear death lit up my idea bulb! My fear dissipated. I admit that my fear was just paranoia. I’m glad that I don’t have the power to control death’s eventual visit to every member of my family. So glad.

“I’m not afraid of dying; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” ~ Woody Allen

Photo by Kaboompics.

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